30 Oct Say it with care: How to use intentional language to build classroom community

How I beat burnout and cultivated a classroom community that helps sustain me

I am an elementary school teacher of about 6-ish years. I’ve worked in various towns and school settings throughout a few different roles as a long-term substitute, SPED paraprofessional/teacher assistant, and K-5 classroom teacher. I also have experience counseling and supervising children and staff in after-school enrichment programs and teaching STEAM education through coding, engineering, and robotics. I have a B.S.Ed in Elementary Education with a focus on Geography and a master’s degree in Curriculum & Instruction, with a concentration of Trauma & Resilience in Education. Apart from teaching, I enjoy exploring nature, cooking, and spending time with my husband/highschool sweetheart, our son, and kitty Puma.

I began as an eager new teacher and started burning myself out from the very beginning, coming into work as the custodians were opening the school up around 6:30 am and leaving as the last person in the parking lot around 6:30, sometimes 7 pm, when it was well past dar,k most of the time! The entire day was also stressful with severe behavior issues and lack of classroom management.

Not only that, but I would come home after about an hour-long commute only to lesson plan, ponder, and critically study my next day’s plans step-by-step to the point where I was rehearsing my entire day. My monkey mind would continue before I was able to get a few hours of sleep in which felt like a millisecond before I was back at it again.

That all was extremely exhausting and toxic as it took a toll on my well-being, relationships, and made me sick with chronic migraines, anxiety, and much more… until I found Angela’s website, books, completed her 40 Hour Workweek program and made some life-changing tweaks.

I am very passionate about teaching and am always listening to podcasts, reading teacher books, or completing webinars about education. I know… I’m such a “nerd” for teaching! I’m currently at home taking care of my baby boy and somehow I already miss teaching, always looking for new opportunities (hence this blog post!) My favorite topics include classroom management and social-emotional learning, so I am extremely eager to share my ideas with you below and look forward to connecting!!

If you’re reading this post, I think it’s safe to assume that you yearn for a trusting and positive classroom environment, regardless of your role and point in your teaching path. Focusing on intentional communication with students and responding to behaviors will help students be successful, while helping reduce teacher and peer stress.

Staying regulated and maintaining a calm, safe classroom environment

Have you ever found yourself “flipping your lid” while teaching… or “managing”? I know this has been the case for myself and many other educators.

When I began teaching, I found myself realizing just how difficult and complex it all really was (and is… while only getting more challenging in my opinion!) With diverse student backgrounds, cultures, and personal learning styles, it is important to consider the variety in communication styles that students need to succeed. Students dealing with trauma and special needs are additionally vulnerable to specific language in the classroom.

Children today, more than ever before, are exposed to a myriad of societal expectations and are dealing with various anxiety or self-esteem issues leading to low confidence in the classroom and contributing to behavioral struggles. Students rely on us as adults and educators to care for them and keep them safe.

We, as educators and caregivers, hold high expectations for students, expecting them to “behave”, or be respectful, kind, engaged, and so forth. However, what about the adults?

We must earn students’ trust and desire for all of those quality traits. We cannot simply expect them to be a certain way and do specific things just because we said so.

Sure, it may work for some kiddos, but most likely will fail at times and fail all the time for some students. By proving to students that we care for them and only want the best for them, we can then set a foundation for a caring community that’s built on mutual respect and trust. Just as we expect students to show us through actions, we must also show them through our behavior in modeling appropriate, kind, and respectful language.

Additionally, it’s invaluable to consider that students all come from different and unique backgrounds, cultures, and households. This means that their relationships and customs may vary significantly based on generational trauma, family or cultural norms, religious practices, or simply depending on how their parents and/or grandparents were raised and choose to raise them currently. These all can make an impact on how students perceive the way you communicate with them, different behaviors, and interactions with peers as well.

Research has shown us that there are different cultural communication norms for people around the world. This includes body language, voice tone, emotions, expression, etiquette, word choice, and more.

For example, students may not understand their emotions and/or managing or discussing them if it is not something that is acceptable or expected as “normal” at home. Some cultures favor eye contact, while others may specifically avoid in their perception of respect.

Creating a promise to students that establishes your role in the classroom community

In my experience, creating a promise for students will help set the tone for a positive class environment and demonstrate teamwork, which will be a valuable topic all throughout the school year. It also opens up opportunities for students to ask questions or share emotions that they may be anxious or worried about.

Peers can also create new connections with one another as they realize their classmates are just as human and curious as them. Creating a classroom promise WITH and FOR students can help set the tone for a great partnership all year long. Here’s the “teacher promise” that I created the first week of school:

 

This was created alongside our whole-class team “promise”, which served as guidelines or rules for students to follow all year long. Students took ownership in collaborating on ideas they felt were important for creating a successful community in order to have a great year and signed it as a sort of “contract”. Feel free to utilize my wording or build your own unique classroom promise through inspiration!

Tips for intentional language that creates classroom community

1. Be cognizant of the tone you want to portray when speaking to students.

Try to use a neutral tone of voice. Nobody likes to be yelled at. I typically tell my students to imagine what it’d look and sound like if adults were walking around yelling at each other and shouting demands or calling each other names. They usually laugh and realize how silly and ridiculous it would be, allowing themselves to change their own behavior. Why would it be okay for us to raise our voices at students? Of course, they are not our colleagues or friends. However, they deserve respect and guidance, which should not entail making them feel embarrassed, belittled, or scolded. Sure, focusing on different tones depending on the situation and student can be helpful as well.

For example, if you know that a particular student needs quick directions in a strict manner in order to be successful, a gentle voice may not be exactly what they need. On the other hand, some students may prove they have an extra difficult time if spoken to in a demanding type of manner. Trying to frame it in a more encouraging, gentle tone may actually help in their situation. Obviously, you know your students the best, so do what you think is best for them. Sometimes, it takes a few trials and errors in different strategies to really learn what works best and is most supportive of their needs. When in doubt, going with a neutral tone is your best bet. Being transparent with students and their families usually helps, too, as you remind them you’re all on the same team!

2. State what you are observing, rather than labeling students.

Instead of thinking of them as disrespectful, unkind, or unengaged, think about how you’re expressing what you are seeing or feeling. Taking a moment to observe will help you respond rather than react to the situation. Students are not setting out each day to make your life miserable, so try not to take their actions personally. Instead, think about what the behavior itself is contributing to. Is a student disrupting the work of others because of xyz? Are their choices wasting time that they can be using to complete work? Did they say or do something that upset someone? Try expressing this so students realize how their choices impact themselves and others around them. It’s often not obvious to children as empathy and logic is something that develops overtime, with age and experience.

3. Consider the underlying functions of the behavior.

Are the students’ needs met? Are they trying to get out of work because maybe it’s too hard, or something else is bothering them? Are they trying to achieve something like access to a tangible item or seeking attention? Think about the main behavioral functions: attention, escape, access, and sensory need,s and ask yourself how you can empathize with the student and which words you want to select to validate the student’s feelings, while attempting to guide them towards a successful outcome. Whether it’s getting their work done, joining the class, or following a different direction, the language you choose here can make or break the situation. Also, remember that it’s not always black and white. The student may be struggling with multiple functions and may not always be consistent in their choices.

4. State the consequence.

Tell the student what will happen due to their behavior. For example, explain what the outcome will be if they choose to continue a behavior and/or what a better, more positive choice may entail. Think about the logical consequences here. If a student does not do their work in class, it must be made up during another time, such as homework or Fun Friday. If the student chooses to join the class as they’re lining up for lunch, they will get to eat lunch and play at recess. Try to avoid empty threats. If you know that you are just trying to scare the student into obeying and are not intending to follow through with the consequence, don’t say it. If you fully intend to call home to discuss a student’s behavior and it is a reasonable consequence, then by all means, it may be something worth expressing to your student and can give them the boost they need.

5. Explain why.

Try to explain your statement, direction, or idea to the student. Scolding a student, demanding a behavior or direction, and then shutting down their responses with “because I said so!” can make them feel even less encouraged to follow your advice. Validating their feelings or thoughts will show students that you are actually listening, which we know is an important aspect of effective communication. Explaining to students the logical reason of why/what/how their choices impact themselves and others can help enforce a positive, trusting relationship between you and your students. It can also show students what appropriate communication looks like and encourage problem-solving in the situations and conflicts that your students encounter with peers. Helping students see the cause/effect relationship between their choices and consequences can help build their emotional intelligence and social-emotional skills as well. For example, you may choose to say something like your choice to _____ caused _____, and now that means ______. You can now choose to _____ or _____. This can cause students to experience big feelings as they realize what their choices caused, but it is necessary and can help guide students’ development.

Now, you don’t have to allow a lengthy conversation or go down a rabbit hole of discussing feelings or experiences, comparing parents or teacher, or even negotiating with a student to try to get them to do as you say. Instead, simply offering a reasonable response can help the “oh, that makes sense… I guess I really should…” pop into students’ minds. Of course, this may never be the case with some children, especially depending on their age, maturity, and thought process. However, it can help remind students that you are there because you care and love them, and what you are saying has its purpose in helping support them, not because you’re out to get them.

Replacing knee-jerk reactions with thoughtful, intentional language

The following phrases may not seem “bad” per se. However, they come across as vague and therefore, give students some wiggle room in interpreting their meaning in their own perception and putting them into action in a way that may not be successful or even relate to what you meant.

You’ve probably heard the term “positive reinforcement” somewhere along your teaching journey. As with behavior and classroom management, your language can focus on this sort of strategy as well.

You may not realize how your word choice may come across to a student, especially if it’s something you have a habit of saying or are simply used to as your “go-to” phrases. For example, you may say something like “STOP ______!”

Rather than demanding something of students, which may trigger their defense mechanisms and possibly a power struggle, try to describe the desired behavior in a more positive framework. This will sound less like you are trying to control or boss them around, which can be an issue for many students, depending on their experiences and personalities, etc.

Instead of…

• Get in line right now!
• Do your work right away!
• Get it moving.
• If I have to say it one more time!!
• Stop talking/doing ___!
• Don’t do that!
• You lose recess.
• You’re being disrespectful/disruptive/rude, etc…
• That’s it! I’ve had enough.
• Don’t you dare… ______

Possibly try…

• I notice that… ________
• We are working independently on ____ right now.
• I expect you to ____ (e.g. work on ____ or complete ___ problems.)
• We’re all in line ready to head to_____. You are also part of the team and need to be in line.
• This is not your best behavior. I know you can do better. It’s up to you to make a better choice. I’m here to help, but cannot do it for you.
• Your tone of voice is disrupting the other team. The expectation is to ________ remain using table talk voices.
• Are you having a tough time?
• It seems like you’re struggling.
• How can I help you?
• This behavior (name it) is not an acceptable/safe/kind choice. You can choose to ____ or _____.
• This ___ is not an option. I expect you to _____.
• _____ is not okay.. Because…
• The Calm Corner is available to you/for you to… (make a better choice, handle your emotions, calm down before joining us, etc…)

Although these examples are not absolutely perfect for every situation ever, you can customize, combine, and choose bits and pieces that work for you and your students. They are meant to help you brainstorm and encourage you to be the best teacher you can be in order to help students be their best and successful, which they have the potential for.

Modeling intentional language throughout the instructional day

In addition, intentional language and communication are certainly not only effective for managing the classroom or handling behaviors in isolation. When we think of social-emotional learning or life skills, we hope to instill these values in our students all day every day, right? We don’t only teach it in isolation for a set number of minutes and just call it a day. Same goes with how we choose to communicate and shift our thinking.

Throughout our day, regardless of our educational role with students, we are constantly enforcing and encouraging positive behaviors and guiding students to develop socially and emotionally. Here is where I find the most opportunity for intentional language and interactions.

For example, when we encounter a challenge or mistake during instruction or peer conflicts, I take this moment to say something like “mistakes help us…” where students would respond with “LEARN!” because it’s something we’ve consistently integrated in our classroom culture.

It’s helpful for students to see you modeling appropriate social-emotional skills and language as they are still learning this process. For example, rather than reacting to a behavior or stressful situation and raising your voice or handling it in a way you may later regret or was simply ineffective, try pausing.

Show students that you are human and maybe say something like “I’m feeling frustrated because _____. I don’t want to ‘flip my lid’, so I’m going to take a couple of deep breaths to help us get back on track. Let’s do it together.” *IN & OUT* as a class.

This also can help reinforce the concepts of “flipping your lid” that I taught students during the first week of school about their “upstairs vs downstairs brain,” along with growth mindset topics. This can be modified to your own flow in your classroom!

We can definitely incorporate more intentional language during instruction, as well. For example, let’s say we really want students to be engaged or to memorize certain vocabulary terms. Trying to incorporate chants or fun ways students can repeat or respond to this during instruction can help.

Also, responding to students’ interactions with one another or efforts in applying their skills is another great opportunity for intentional language. For instance, maybe you choose to praise a student with “good job” or “excellent”, which is great.

However, naming a more specific compliment may give students feedback for what exactly is expected and also make the praise feel more genuine to the student. Maybe choose something like “You worked really hard I that. I can tell you put a lot of effort in because…” or “I notice how you…”

Instead of telling a student he or she is incorrect or off track, try something like “Does anyone have another idea to add onto ____’s thinking?” or maybe guiding the students with a question relating to your topic that will help.

The more cognizant you become of your communication with students, the more your mind will select and create intentional and careful language that will help support and strengthen your relationships with students. In turn, this positive partnership will automatically improve your classroom management skills, student engagement, social-emotional and academic growth, and much more.

We know that today, more than ever, students struggle with more special needs, trauma, and the desire for constant gratification (hello, technology). Therefore, we’re up against a lot of competing for your students’ attention. Showing students that you are here to work with them and not against them will make their lives and yours much more enjoyable and rewarding and let’s face it, teaching is extremely hard!

Although you can’t expect to make a significant shift in your thinking and communication overnight, small steps will certainly guide you in the right direction to making a big difference over time.

10 things I no longer say to my students

This is one of my favorite quotes that I chose to print out and post right by my desk. I hope it resonates with you as much as it did with me.

The post Say it with care: How to use intentional language to build classroom community appeared first on Truth For Teachers.

How I beat burnout and cultivated a classroom community that helps sustain me I am an elementary school teacher of about 6-ish years. I’ve worked in various towns and school settings throughout a few different roles as a long-term substitute, SPED paraprofessional/teacher assistant, and K-5 classroom teacher. I also have experience counseling and supervising children … Continued
The post Say it with care: How to use intentional language to build classroom community appeared first on Truth For Teachers.Classroom Management, Mindset & Motivation, Truth for Teachers CollectiveRead More